What do you want?
I hate that question. I spent years stuck because I was trying to figure that out. I knew what I didn't want. (That was easy) But, what did I want???
We put a lot of pressure on that question. You feel like you have one chance to come up with the "right answer." There's this feeling that you need to have it all figured out.
Trying to get your answer just right is a huge reason people get stuck. I like to start somewhere different.
When I work with someone and they're not sure what they want, I ask them "How do you want to feel?" That question brings in all kinds of possibility.
Behind all the things you want is a feeling.
Sometimes you discover the thing you believe will give you that feeling isn't actually what you want at all.
If you have something on your want list, but all the details are missing, it could be because you don't want that thing. This is much different that having some of the big details & not knowing how to make it all come together.
I've worked with a bunch of people who come to me and say they want to start a business. Truth is they don't want to run a business. They want to feel more creative. They want more flexibility with their schedule. They want to be able to travel more. Or they want a different career path. Starting a business is not the only way to get those things.
Choose the area of your life where you want change. What feelings do you want in that area?
Write down all the things you want to feel. Confidence. To feel loved. Excitement. Predictability. Stability. Connection. Creative. Playful. Focused. Feeling successful.
It doesn't have to be one word. It's even better when you can focus in on what's attracting you to that feeling. It can be getting rid of the doing the exact same thing day after day. Exploring new places. Having people you can depend on. Spending more time outside. Being the fun aunt. Having your house filled with people.
Take your direction from these answers. What things give you those feelings?
Spending more time outside could be weekend road trips. Daily walks in your local park. A job guiding walking tours.
Connection can be done by working in a group atmosphere. Hanging out with people that get you. A new relationship. A spiritual practice. Joining a class.
Stability can be created by getting a promotion. Starting a savings plan. Having a schedule.
There is never only one way to do anything. Start with the feelings you want to experience and figure out which path you want to take to get there.
The past few weeks I've been seeing "New Year New You!" and I get it, but to me that message screams, "You're not enough!!!!"
You don't need to become someone else to get what you want. You need to keep growing. We're always growing. You don't tell a kid that in order to learn to walk they need to be someone else. Same goes for you.
You have a new goal. You want something new. Great! Those wants, those ideas, they are now yours because you've grown. It's the same reason why your bedroom walls are no longer covered with NKOB posters. This growth is the same reason why one day you realize you're excited when you get socks, a new appliance, or you have your heart set on a specific vacuum (Yep. I've been way too excited about getting a new vacuum. Joys of adulting).
You are enough right now.
Now let's get you that goal. Let's figure out what that dream looks like for you. Try it on.
Start by answering these questions....
How does having (insert goal here) change your life?
Does it give you more money? Let you travel more? Give you a partner? Get rid of stress? Give you status/validation/support? Location freedom? Are you healthier? Have more energy? Have someone to take to family events & weddings?
If there were no rules, what would having _____ look like in your life?
What does it look like in your head? If you have a career goal. Are you spending your days in a beautiful office or does the location change? Do you work for yourself or a company with an expense account? How do you spend your days? How much do you work? Who's around you?
For relationship goals. In your version, are you eating at great restaurants with friends or having people over to your house? Is it about lazy Sunday mornings or finding unexpected treasures at farmers markets? Are they a support system or a partner?
Health goals. What do you look like/feel like? Are you doing goat yoga or going to a gym with rock climbing walls? What are you eating? How much time are you spending outside? Are you doing a Tough Mudder race or hiking to see waterfalls?
What feelings does that goal give you?
Is it excitement? Confidence? Connection? Love? Stability? Security? Warm Fuzzies? Pride?
What can you do today that will bring your goal closer?
A first step.
Sometimes you don't want the thing, you want what you think the thing is going to give you.
Don't get overly attached to the initial goal. You know the saying, "Looks good on paper." Sometimes the idea of a goal sounds great, but the reality sucks. Don't be afraid to change your goal.
Maybe you wanted to start a business because of the location freedom. But you realize that you hate being a boss. You don't like all the things that go with being a business owner. No problem. Go back to the questions & ask yourself what other ways can that happen. You wanted location freedom. Maybe for you that's getting a telecommute job. Working for a cruise line. Become a travel writer for a magazine.
Here's to the New Year & what the Same You is making happen.