Have you ever felt like your spending was out of control?
That's exactly how I felt in January. About 14 months ago my life turned into a whirlwind of a shit show. I had a ton of debt, my 10 year relationship ended out of the blue (seriously, I never saw it coming), in a month I had sold all of my stuff, broke my lease & moved home. I was BROKE.
I've never been that broke in my life & it was scary as shit.
Luckily, my mom let me stay with her rent free, I got a job my second week back & I started signing clients again. After a couple months, my bank accounts were once again in the positive. I was able to start paying down my debt & I paid off my car. I even had extra money to go out.
It felt good to have money again. It felt even better that everything I wanted wasn't an automatic NO. So I started saying YES.
At first it was yes to things I needed. Clothes for winter. A hair cut. Car upkeep. Then it was things I had been putting off. New bras, good makeup, glasses, jeans. Finally it was random things. New kitchen gadgets, luggage, jewelry.
It got to the point where I was ordering so many things, I would get packages & have no idea what was in them. Even worse, I'd use it once then stick it in a pile & move onto the next thing.
I decided I needed to take a break from spending.
The first week was hard. Of course, as soon as I decided I wasn't buying, it seemed like everything went on sale ( I love a good sale). But, I didn't buy anything.
It got easier pretty fast.
Instead of buying new things, I started using the things I already had. I read books that had been sitting on my Kindle for months. Using the masks & lotions that I'd forgotten I owned. I finished some of the courses I had bought, but never had the time to do. I meditated more.
I had more time. I never realized how much time I spent scrolling through websites searching for things to buy.
What I learned
I buy things...
To reward myself.
When I feel like crap.
Late at night when I'm bored
When I feel stuck.
Sometimes, just because it seems interesting.
Retail therapy at it's finest.
I was also reminded that when I'm not in such a hurry to buy things, I kick ass at manifesting them.
This month I wanted a pedicure & a couple days later my mom asked me to do a mani/pedi day her treat. I won a free oracle card reading from one of my favorite people. One of the courses I own released new free bonuses that helped me solve an issue I had been stuck on. I've had drinks & dinners bought for me. And I wasn't even trying.
Is there something you do that you're pretty sure is holding you back? Take a break from it & let me know how it goes.
I wasn't one of those fortunate people who knew exactly what she wanted.
The only think I KNEW was I couldn't keep living my life the way I was. I wasn't happy. I didn't know how to fix it. I felt stuck.
I needed a change, but a change to what?? That was a big question.
Maybe you know exactly what you're working towards. If that's the case I'm thrilled for you! But if you're like me & aren't sure yet... I want you to know, THAT'S OK. You're not stuck.
I promise you have a powerful place to start from. You have an idea of how you want to feel. You probably KNOW a lot of details. Start there. The rest will come to you.
You know the phrase “dress for the job you want”? It’s the same with creating the life you want.
Be the version of you that already has those things.
Maybe you want calmer mornings. You want a boss you like. You want to be your own boss. You want to feel financially secure. You want to feel valued, loved, sexy, adventurous or centered. You want a couple close friends that you know you can count on.
I bet you have parts of your life pictured. I'm so sure, I would never go to Target again if I'm wrong (Target is my happy place)
Start with the things you know you want & answer the following questions...
What does she do? Take chances, yoga, wash off her makeup EVERY night, eats better food, does creative work, work as part of a team or alone, Get her hair done at a salon, have a maid, go to dinner by herself, public speaking...
How does she think? Do setbacks discourage her, does she see opportunities, what stories does she tell herself.
How does she feel? Is she relaxed, confident, successful, centered, welcoming
How can you step into that version of you now? Say YES more, let people help you, try new things, practice being confident. What does she do that you can do now? What new stories can you begin telling yourself? What can you do that gives you those feelings?
The more you step into the version of You that already has those things, the easier it is to get them. You know what decisions are aligned with what you want. You put yourself in situations that allow opportunities to show up. You already believe you are worthy.
Remember when you thought that by 30 you'd have your shit together?
I had always pictured that by the time I turned 30...
I'd be married...
Maybe have 1 kid...
Have a big important job with a corner office that paid really well & had an expense account...
Own a 3 bedroom house right outside the city that looked like a Pottery Barn catalog...
Regularly take amazing trips (a few weeks in Italy, long ski weekends in Colorado, stuff like that).
My life at 30 was pretty much the opposite.
I was twice divorced & single...
Bartending at a place that made me miserable to make enough to get by...
Renting a 2 bedroom apartment the landlord kept promising to update every time they raised the rent...
The only trips I was taking was going home for Christmas once a year, if that.
I was no where close to what I had pictured and nothing I was doing to change things was working.
I was STUCK.
Do you know that feeling?
You know what you set out to get, but you can't figure out how to get there.
The life I pictured for myself had very little to do with me. It was based on what you should want. The things you should have.
That's why the travel (something the real me wanted) was a lot more detailed than the rest of my plan.
I wanted to be married, because I liked the idea of having someone, but I put no thought into what I wanted that relationship to look like or the kind of person I wanted to be with.
Now I know my deal breakers. I know what's important to me. I don't settle for relationships where I have to change everything about me.
I wanted an important job that paid well, but I couldn't even tell you what field that job would be in.
Now I help women create success & create their version of success by being them & I'm paid well because I rock at what I do.
I thought I'd own a 3 bedroom house outside the city. Didn't have a specific city or style of house. I still want the house. I can see everything about it, but the where is yet to be determined. West coast maybe. I want to be near trees & water, but close enough to go do fun things in the city. It will have an office. A big kitchen. Lots of windows. An open floor plan. And when I walk in I'll feel "ahhhh. This is HOME".
Look at the things you want. How detailed are they? Can you feel what it'll be like to have them?
If you can't see it or feel it. If the thought of it doesn't invoke some massive emotion. You have to ask yourself if this is something you want or just something you think you should want.
I used to SUCK at manifesting.
Then obsess about would it show up? When? What if it didn't?
Then it wouldn't.
Manifesting is exactly like writing to Santa
It's easy to get caught up in your mind when you're manifesting. So, every year I send a letter to Santa through Macy's Believe program. They donate $1 to Make a wish for every letter, so it's a win win. I get to write to Santa & help someone else's wish come true.
Santa letters are important. It was the first time you knew you could ask for anything. No guilt. No limits. It's where I learned to trust & let go.
A letter to Santa has all the keys of manifesting.
You write your letter & TRUST that you'll get what you want.
Inspired action is like being good all year, it boosts your chances of getting what you want.
Once you mail the letter, you let go & believe it's on its way.
You trust it'll show up.
That's the key to manifesting...TRUST.
Treat manifesting like a letter to Santa. Know it's on it's way.
The Christmas season is here. So talk of gratitude is EVERYWHERE!!!
There are gratitude challenges, the Christmas movies filled with love & miracles have started, FB is filled with #blessed, there's couples & love & family galore.
YOU GET IT...
You know it helps you to be grateful. It feels good to be grateful. But sometimes it's really fucking hard to be grateful(especially when it feels like nothing is going your way).
Last year at this time, that's exactly how I felt.
I was heartbroken. My relationship of 10 years had ended (I did not see that coming).
I was selling almost everything I owned so I could move home to live with my mom while I figured out my next step (I really liked my stuff. I worked hard for those things).
My laptop had just been stolen(I had to run my business from my phone).
There were other things too, but this all happened in ONE MONTH.
I felt like Wyle E Coyote the moment he realizes he's gone way off the cliff & falls.
I was beyond depressed. I was angry. I felt like a failure. I stopped taking new clients. My bank account was negative.
The thought of being grateful for this shitshow that was my life pissed me off.
So I get it. Sometimes you are so in the middle of it, that you can't see an out. It can be hard to see the good in what feels like an endless stream of bad. Sometimes you're scared to look for something good because you feel like that will get taken as well.
When it rains it pours.
People love that phrase. Especially around shit situations. But it works the other way too.
Start by finding something good. Even a little bit good. Even if it feels impossible, it's in there somewhere. Open yourself to the possibility.
Yes, I was alone & the person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with was gone & I had no idea what my future looked like anymore.
Yes, I was selling & giving away all the things I had worked really hard for so I could move home (a place I hadn't lived in 20 years) with basically nothing. Was not where I saw myself the year before. (Hell, I didn't see it 2 months before).
Yes I felt like I had lost everything good in my life, so what was there to be grateful for?
I still had my truck. Which was big, I could still go places. I wasn't stuck waiting for someone to take me anywhere.
I didn't have any household bills. I could pay off some debt & rebuild my bank accounts.
I didn't have anyone to think about but me. For the first time since I was 17, I didn't have a partner or pet that I had to consider. And I didn't really have any stuff. All I kept was my office, bedroom & kitchen stuff(well, most of it). I could move anywhere. I could do anything. I could get a job in Europe & travel. I could housesit my way across the country.
I could do whatever the fuck I WANTED TO DO, because I no longer had the excuses of...
Who would watch my fur baby? What would I do with all my stuff? Would my partner feel left out or lonely?
Start small. Find 1 thing to feel grateful about. And FEEL the gratitude. It doesn't matter if it's you had a good hair day, found a $1 in your jeans, got to take a shower uninterrupted, have heat in your house, were able to put gas in your car...
Just find that thing.
MAYBE TOMORROW YOU'LL HAVE 2 THINGS.
If you're going through a tough time, leave a comment or send me an email and tell me about it or book a free call with me. You're never alone (even though it can feel that way).
Call me crazy (You won't be the first), but there's a "right" way to cut a sandwich.
I will NOT eat a sandwich that's cut in half. It has to be diagonal. HAS TO. Diagonally cut sandwiches taste better (This rule applies to toast as well. Any bread really).
For years while I lived in NC, people would make fun of me for this. They said I was crazy. Too Picky. High maintenance. I could go on....
The other day I was talking to someone about this because I ordered a sandwich & they cut it wrong and I was SOOO sad. I picked the insides out, but I couldn't eat the sandwich (don't judge).
So, I'm talking to this girl. Before I start telling her my story, I'm apologizing & saying how stupid the the thing I'm about to tell her is.
She didn't think it was stupid at all. She said, "You're absolutely right! Sandwiches taste better when they're cut diagonally." Can I tell you, that made my whole day.
But wait it gets better....
So I put on Facebook how nice it is to have someone who "get's it" and... I start getting comments from all kinds of people that also agree with me. (Cue clouds parting, light filling the room & sing-songy AHHH-ah-AAAhhh).
There's been more than a few times where I felt alone, like I didn't fit in, disconnected, like nobody got me, or I was crazy to think the way I think(way more than a few).
But, I'm not alone (neither are you). There are people who get my crazy ideas, my clients love them. There's always someone who has gone through whatever you're going through. Felt the way you feel.
There's always someone who "gets it!"
I promise you they're out there. Sometimes you just need to look somewhere different.
Share your thing that makes you stand out or feel alone in the comments (or you can send me an email) & I bet you're not the only one.
"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!" used to constantly run through my head.
There was never enough for me.
Not enough Time...
or Hours on my paycheck.
I was working 2 full time jobs and it never felt like enough.
Every time I got a paycheck all I could think was I need it to be bigger.
Every time I got overtime I’d think if only I could get a few more hours.
There wasn’t enough money in my bank accounts. There wasn’t enough time to work more. I wasn’t getting enough sleep. 2 1/2 hours was becoming my norm(That should not be anyone's normal).
I felt like I was steadily drowning. The harder I’d try to get ahead, the more I’d struggle. It felt like what I was doing wasn’t enough.
It’s a shit feeling when nothing feels like it’s ever enough. You feel powerless. Stuck. Frustrated.
The sneaky thing about never enough is that as long as you feel it & believe it, it’s a pain in the ass to change it.
The amazing thing is that once you can let go of nothing ever being enough, things snowball into more than enough.
So how do you stop believing it's never enough??
Start by focusing on where it is enough. I had enough to buy food and gas. Enough to pay my bills.
Then let go of the Shoulds. How it should look. How it should happen. How it should come together.
Finally be open. Open to receiving. Open to possibilities. Open to things being easier.
I used to think manifesting must not be my thing.
I'd hear story after story where...
A woman quits her corporate job, starts a business & makes $10k her first month...
Someone writes out a list of her perfect man’s traits & BOOM...he shows up...
They put a house on their dreamboard & it goes on sale for a crazy amazing price and they get it...
Women who set an intention to receive a huge amount of money & she gets checks that total that amount.
Part of me loved those stories, then there’s the part that was thinking WTF!?!? Why them & not me?
I made dreamboards. Written lists until my hands hurt. Visualized. Decluttered. Forgave. Made room. Done everything I could think of & I still didn’t have what I wanted.
Those stories happen, but that’s not the only way to manifest. Sure sometimes people decide they want something & like magic, it shows up. But most of the time you play a bigger part in manifesting & you’re not giving yourself enough credit.
Manifesting isn’t always putting out an intention & having that thing magically show up.
There are lots of ways to manifest. I'm betting you already do a lot of them, but you're not giving yourself credit.
Buying something counts as manifesting. Working for something counts. Saving up for something counts. Getting it as a gift or loaned to you counts. Making it counts. Any way that you bring that thing into your reality counts, even when it doesn't feel all magical or appear as some divine intervention.
You wanted something (food, clothes, vacations)& you got it. That Is Manifesting!
I'm betting you’ve never given yourself credit for manifesting most of that.
You want to journal more, so you BUY a beautiful journal that makes you want to write.
You want a result so you HIRE someone to help you get there. A maid, planner, coach, accountant.
You want to be healthier so you BUY a gym membership, clothes to work out in, better food, a fit bit.
You want the perfect outfit for a party & your best friend LOANS it to you.
You want to find your forever man so you ACCEPT invitations to go out & do things.
Manifesting is deciding you want something & finding a way to receive it when it comes into your awareness. Go out & grab the opportunities, buy the thing, invest in the tools.
Look at all the things you have & celebrate that YOU manifested all that shit!
For most of my life, I was a people pleaser.
I would create an acceptable version of myself (sometimes there was barely any of ME) to fit the situation. I was the good one. The good student, the friend parents LOVED, the one who was trustworthy aka the spokesperson for the group with any authority figure. The responsible one (a lot of me there) employers loved her. I would become the perfect girlfriend. The funny one at parties. The quiet one with friends that loved to be the center of attention.
I would morph from personality to personality like actors do with different roles. That's what I was doing, I was acting.
There's safeness in hiding behind those masks.
You can put up with more things you dislike, because it's not really you. There's a disconnection from it (That's how I stayed at a job I hated for over a decade). I can't tell you how many times someone was mad at me & I'd give them the response they wanted just so we could move the fuck on.
Changing from person to person is a lot easier than honestly putting yourself out there.
When you decide to be the real you, it's scary as fuck(well it was for me). A lot of things come up. What if I'm not good enough? What if they think I'm stupid or don't want to be friends anymore? What if I lose people who are important to me? What do I do with all the judgement?
As scary as it is, it's so worth it to be the real you.
When you show up as your authentic self, you experience a lot more happiness & success.
You attract people who get you (such a fabulous feeling). You DO things you love instead of always doing what someone else loves. Things become easier because you start using your natural gifts & talents.
Yes there's definitely more vulnerability, but there's strength there. More connections. A shift into alignment where you learn about what you really want & what that thing looks like for you.
Even if you think you lost your authentic self to all the masks, you haven't. She's in there. Try anything that grabs your attention. Keep doing the things you like & let the rest go.
If you want help connecting to the real you, book a call & let's find the best way to work together.
Book your call here.
Stop trying to be the perfect version of ONE thing.
One of the biggest reasons people don't show up completely is because they feel like part of them doesn't fit. I used to do it too.
They hide the fact that they love a good TV binge, because they're spiritual. Spiritual people meditate, they don't binge watch reality tv.
They don't share their night out at the bar watching a band, because they drink green juice all day. Health conscious people don't go out drinking.
They feel like they can't rock the yoga pants and sometimes yesterday's makeup because they're making 6 figures & 6 figure earners are always put together.
We have all these ideas of what certain people do. How they act. How they dress. And when we want people to see us as successful, spiritual, healthy, professional or whatever, we hide the parts of us that we believe contradict that thing.
When you hide parts of you, you miss out....
Connecting with others...
Doing things you love.
I'm a GINORMOUS mix of contradictions. I'm spiritual, clairaudient, love energy work & oracle cards. I also love TV, jeans, dive bars, tattoos & bloody marys. I'm a total ring junkie. I love coaching, massages, spa days, coloring my hair purple, heels, detox baths, football, yoga pants, trees & mountains, and a ton of other things. That makes me ME.
You'll never see me working from a coffee shop(I don't drink coffee) but a bar is probable. I'll never have a Luis Vuitton purse, but I will rock some sexy heels(probably with jeans). I'll never be a vegetarian, but I will do cleanses & make my own smoothies(that occasionally might have some vodka in them). I'll never judge someone for what they love or what they don't(flip flops freak me out).
Your mix is what makes you unique. It's why you connect with some people & push away others. It's the reason you're so good at your thing.
What part of you have you been holding back?
STOP that shit right now!
There's no right way to be something. Just be YOU. No Apologies.