The Christmas season is here. So talk of gratitude is EVERYWHERE!!!
There are gratitude challenges, the Christmas movies filled with love & miracles have started, FB is filled with #blessed, there's couples & love & family galore.
YOU GET IT...
You know it helps you to be grateful. It feels good to be grateful. But sometimes it's really fucking hard to be grateful(especially when it feels like nothing is going your way).
Last year at this time, that's exactly how I felt.
I was heartbroken. My relationship of 10 years had ended (I did not see that coming).
I was selling almost everything I owned so I could move home to live with my mom while I figured out my next step (I really liked my stuff. I worked hard for those things).
My laptop had just been stolen(I had to run my business from my phone).
There were other things too, but this all happened in ONE MONTH.
I felt like Wyle E Coyote the moment he realizes he's gone way off the cliff & falls.
I was beyond depressed. I was angry. I felt like a failure. I stopped taking new clients. My bank account was negative.
The thought of being grateful for this shitshow that was my life pissed me off.
So I get it. Sometimes you are so in the middle of it, that you can't see an out. It can be hard to see the good in what feels like an endless stream of bad. Sometimes you're scared to look for something good because you feel like that will get taken as well.
When it rains it pours.
People love that phrase. Especially around shit situations. But it works the other way too.
Start by finding something good. Even a little bit good. Even if it feels impossible, it's in there somewhere. Open yourself to the possibility.
Yes, I was alone & the person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with was gone & I had no idea what my future looked like anymore.
Yes, I was selling & giving away all the things I had worked really hard for so I could move home (a place I hadn't lived in 20 years) with basically nothing. Was not where I saw myself the year before. (Hell, I didn't see it 2 months before).
Yes I felt like I had lost everything good in my life, so what was there to be grateful for?
I still had my truck. Which was big, I could still go places. I wasn't stuck waiting for someone to take me anywhere.
I didn't have any household bills. I could pay off some debt & rebuild my bank accounts.
I didn't have anyone to think about but me. For the first time since I was 17, I didn't have a partner or pet that I had to consider. And I didn't really have any stuff. All I kept was my office, bedroom & kitchen stuff(well, most of it). I could move anywhere. I could do anything. I could get a job in Europe & travel. I could housesit my way across the country.
I could do whatever the fuck I WANTED TO DO, because I no longer had the excuses of...
Who would watch my fur baby? What would I do with all my stuff? Would my partner feel left out or lonely?
Start small. Find 1 thing to feel grateful about. And FEEL the gratitude. It doesn't matter if it's you had a good hair day, found a $1 in your jeans, got to take a shower uninterrupted, have heat in your house, were able to put gas in your car...
Just find that thing.
MAYBE TOMORROW YOU'LL HAVE 2 THINGS.
If you're going through a tough time, leave a comment or send me an email and tell me about it or book a free call with me. You're never alone (even though it can feel that way).
Call me crazy (You won't be the first), but there's a "right" way to cut a sandwich.
I will NOT eat a sandwich that's cut in half. It has to be diagonal. HAS TO. Diagonally cut sandwiches taste better (This rule applies to toast as well. Any bread really).
For years while I lived in NC, people would make fun of me for this. They said I was crazy. Too Picky. High maintenance. I could go on....
The other day I was talking to someone about this because I ordered a sandwich & they cut it wrong and I was SOOO sad. I picked the insides out, but I couldn't eat the sandwich (don't judge).
So, I'm talking to this girl. Before I start telling her my story, I'm apologizing & saying how stupid the the thing I'm about to tell her is.
She didn't think it was stupid at all. She said, "You're absolutely right! Sandwiches taste better when they're cut diagonally." Can I tell you, that made my whole day.
But wait it gets better....
So I put on Facebook how nice it is to have someone who "get's it" and... I start getting comments from all kinds of people that also agree with me. (Cue clouds parting, light filling the room & sing-songy AHHH-ah-AAAhhh).
There's been more than a few times where I felt alone, like I didn't fit in, disconnected, like nobody got me, or I was crazy to think the way I think(way more than a few).
But, I'm not alone (neither are you). There are people who get my crazy ideas, my clients love them. There's always someone who has gone through whatever you're going through. Felt the way you feel.
There's always someone who "gets it!"
I promise you they're out there. Sometimes you just need to look somewhere different.
Share your thing that makes you stand out or feel alone in the comments (or you can send me an email) & I bet you're not the only one.
"IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!" used to constantly run through my head.
There was never enough for me.
Not enough Time...
or Hours on my paycheck.
I was working 2 full time jobs and it never felt like enough.
Every time I got a paycheck all I could think was I need it to be bigger.
Every time I got overtime I’d think if only I could get a few more hours.
There wasn’t enough money in my bank accounts. There wasn’t enough time to work more. I wasn’t getting enough sleep. 2 1/2 hours was becoming my norm(That should not be anyone's normal).
I felt like I was steadily drowning. The harder I’d try to get ahead, the more I’d struggle. It felt like what I was doing wasn’t enough.
It’s a shit feeling when nothing feels like it’s ever enough. You feel powerless. Stuck. Frustrated.
The sneaky thing about never enough is that as long as you feel it & believe it, it’s a pain in the ass to change it.
The amazing thing is that once you can let go of nothing ever being enough, things snowball into more than enough.
So how do you stop believing it's never enough??
Start by focusing on where it is enough. I had enough to buy food and gas. Enough to pay my bills.
Then let go of the Shoulds. How it should look. How it should happen. How it should come together.
Finally be open. Open to receiving. Open to possibilities. Open to things being easier.
I used to think manifesting must not be my thing.
I'd hear story after story where...
A woman quits her corporate job, starts a business & makes $10k her first month...
Someone writes out a list of her perfect man’s traits & BOOM...he shows up...
They put a house on their dreamboard & it goes on sale for a crazy amazing price and they get it...
Women who set an intention to receive a huge amount of money & she gets checks that total that amount.
Part of me loved those stories, then there’s the part that was thinking WTF!?!? Why them & not me?
I made dreamboards. Written lists until my hands hurt. Visualized. Decluttered. Forgave. Made room. Done everything I could think of & I still didn’t have what I wanted.
Those stories happen, but that’s not the only way to manifest. Sure sometimes people decide they want something & like magic, it shows up. But most of the time you play a bigger part in manifesting & you’re not giving yourself enough credit.
Manifesting isn’t always putting out an intention & having that thing magically show up.
There are lots of ways to manifest. I'm betting you already do a lot of them, but you're not giving yourself credit.
Buying something counts as manifesting. Working for something counts. Saving up for something counts. Getting it as a gift or loaned to you counts. Making it counts. Any way that you bring that thing into your reality counts, even when it doesn't feel all magical or appear as some divine intervention.
You wanted something (food, clothes, vacations)& you got it. That Is Manifesting!
I'm betting you’ve never given yourself credit for manifesting most of that.
You want to journal more, so you BUY a beautiful journal that makes you want to write.
You want a result so you HIRE someone to help you get there. A maid, planner, coach, accountant.
You want to be healthier so you BUY a gym membership, clothes to work out in, better food, a fit bit.
You want the perfect outfit for a party & your best friend LOANS it to you.
You want to find your forever man so you ACCEPT invitations to go out & do things.
Manifesting is deciding you want something & finding a way to receive it when it comes into your awareness. Go out & grab the opportunities, buy the thing, invest in the tools.
Look at all the things you have & celebrate that YOU manifested all that shit!
For most of my life, I was a people pleaser.
I would create an acceptable version of myself (sometimes there was barely any of ME) to fit the situation. I was the good one. The good student, the friend parents LOVED, the one who was trustworthy aka the spokesperson for the group with any authority figure. The responsible one (a lot of me there) employers loved her. I would become the perfect girlfriend. The funny one at parties. The quiet one with friends that loved to be the center of attention.
I would morph from personality to personality like actors do with different roles. That's what I was doing, I was acting.
There's safeness in hiding behind those masks.
You can put up with more things you dislike, because it's not really you. There's a disconnection from it (That's how I stayed at a job I hated for over a decade). I can't tell you how many times someone was mad at me & I'd give them the response they wanted just so we could move the fuck on.
Changing from person to person is a lot easier than honestly putting yourself out there.
When you decide to be the real you, it's scary as fuck(well it was for me). A lot of things come up. What if I'm not good enough? What if they think I'm stupid or don't want to be friends anymore? What if I lose people who are important to me? What do I do with all the judgement?
As scary as it is, it's so worth it to be the real you.
When you show up as your authentic self, you experience a lot more happiness & success.
You attract people who get you (such a fabulous feeling). You DO things you love instead of always doing what someone else loves. Things become easier because you start using your natural gifts & talents.
Yes there's definitely more vulnerability, but there's strength there. More connections. A shift into alignment where you learn about what you really want & what that thing looks like for you.
Even if you think you lost your authentic self to all the masks, you haven't. She's in there. Try anything that grabs your attention. Keep doing the things you like & let the rest go.
If you want help connecting to the real you, book a call & let's find the best way to work together.
Book your call here.
Stop trying to be the perfect version of ONE thing.
One of the biggest reasons people don't show up completely is because they feel like part of them doesn't fit. I used to do it too.
They hide the fact that they love a good TV binge, because they're spiritual. Spiritual people meditate, they don't binge watch reality tv.
They don't share their night out at the bar watching a band, because they drink green juice all day. Health conscious people don't go out drinking.
They feel like they can't rock the yoga pants and sometimes yesterday's makeup because they're making 6 figures & 6 figure earners are always put together.
We have all these ideas of what certain people do. How they act. How they dress. And when we want people to see us as successful, spiritual, healthy, professional or whatever, we hide the parts of us that we believe contradict that thing.
When you hide parts of you, you miss out....
Connecting with others...
Doing things you love.
I'm a GINORMOUS mix of contradictions. I'm spiritual, clairaudient, love energy work & oracle cards. I also love TV, jeans, dive bars, tattoos & bloody marys. I'm a total ring junkie. I love coaching, massages, spa days, coloring my hair purple, heels, detox baths, football, yoga pants, trees & mountains, and a ton of other things. That makes me ME.
You'll never see me working from a coffee shop(I don't drink coffee) but a bar is probable. I'll never have a Luis Vuitton purse, but I will rock some sexy heels(probably with jeans). I'll never be a vegetarian, but I will do cleanses & make my own smoothies(that occasionally might have some vodka in them). I'll never judge someone for what they love or what they don't(flip flops freak me out).
Your mix is what makes you unique. It's why you connect with some people & push away others. It's the reason you're so good at your thing.
What part of you have you been holding back?
STOP that shit right now!
There's no right way to be something. Just be YOU. No Apologies.
YOU CAN’T EAT A WHOLE CUCUMBER..
That’s the conversation I overheard the other day. These 2 women were deep in, what was a very serious conversation for them, about how eating a whole cucumber is ridiculous. Why don’t they make smaller cucumbers? It's such a waste. Blah blah blah
I can't tell you how badly I wanted to interrupt them & say "YES the fuck you can!!" I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cut up a whole cucumber and ate it. Sometimes I have more than 1 cucumber (try to hold back your shock).
And p.s. they do make small cucumbers, they’re called pickles.
Maybe you’re wondering why I’m telling you this. Honestly, who cares if some lady thinks it’s insane to eat a whole cucumber...
I’m sharing this because we let other people’s beliefs affect us all the time.
It's easy to ignore or dismiss someone else's beliefs about things we think don't matter. Like eating a whole cucumber or which is the correct way to fold your towels...
But when it's something we view as important or life changing, suddenly we care about the opinions(because that's really all a belief is) of other people (strangers included).
Suddenly we begin doubting if maybe it’s wrong to...
Start a business...
Change career paths...
Dye your hair purple...
Travel for months...
Buy your dream home first...
Want a better relationship...
Move to a place where you don’t know anyone.
It’s all different versions of the same thing.
Don’t let anyone else fuck with how YOU SEE what you want. If it feels right to you it IS right for you.
I remember working my ass off. Trying everything. Feeling like a failure because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted.
And still thinking a mindset shift isn’t gonna fix this.
I have to do more. Be better. Make a new plan.
I did need a new plan. I needed to work on my fucking mindset.
Imagine you’ve decided to run a 5k. You’re excited(maybe there’s wine or margaritas involved 🍷). You buy an outfit. Your friends are gonna run it with you. You’ve been training.
Then on the day of the 5k, you get dressed & you stretch. THEN...you put on some leg weights. A resistance parachute gets tied to you. AND your shoelaces are tied to each other.
You might finish the race(reach your goal), but it’s gonna take A LOT longer & the whole thing’s gonna be a huge pain in the ass.
That's what it's like trying to reach your goals when you're fighting your mindset.
Eventually I hit my breaking point. I didn't know what else to do, so I decided to work on mindset. And wouldn't you fuckin' know it...
Without doing anything different (except the mindset work), suddenly people started reaching out to me to book coaching. My sales went up. I lost weight. I started getting free stuff.
My results went way up & the only thing I changed was working on my mindset.
I did a lot of forgiveness work. I shifted beliefs. I even journaled & meditated.
You can do these things yourself or you can get my free mindset visualizations by clicking here.
Everyone talks about being your authentic self. What they don't tell you is that being the authentic unfiltered version of yourself can feel fake....at first.
You've spent years conditioning yourself to fit in. To be the version of you that you think you need to be to be successful & loved. You've done it for so long that it feels natural. That doesn't mean it is.
The real question is, how do you know who the authentic you is?
Think about all the times you've thought to yourself...
"I wish I would have said ____"
"I wish I would have done _____"
"I wish I was more like ____"
The unfiltered version of you is the one who lives in those wishes.
She says what she's really thinking. She does the things (even if they're not the norm). She has the traits you're drawn to in others.
I was a perfectionist & a people pleaser. I could become whoever I thought I should be. I set acceptable goals. I saw myself working for a big company. Having the corner office. Living in a fancy apartment in the city with my equally successful husband.
All those things felt natural & unnatural at the same time, but because I had done it for so long it felt normal. It's just who I was.
Then after my life had fallen apart for the um-teenth time & was sick of crying in the shower to get through the day, I decided fuck it. I was done people pleasing & I was gonna do what made me happy. Screw what anyone else thought (much easier said than done).
I questioned everything new that I thought I wanted. Constantly wondering if it was my authentic self.
I started a business. I dyed my hair purple. I started sharing some not so popular opinions. I turned down a promotion. I dated the totally wrong guy that was totally right for me. It was uncomfortable, but it also felt right. That was a feeling I wasn't used to.
Being my authentic self felt fake for a while, but the more I did it and accepted it, the more natural it became. Now I don't question it. It's just who I am.
I've always been a procrastinator. In school I'd never write my papers until the night before. I never pack until the last minute. Hell, I put off finishing this website and writing the first blog post (this one) until 2 months after the deadline I set for myself.
You wouldn't be wrong if you assumed some of my procrastination was laziness. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything more than what HAS to be done.
But, usually procrastination is my way of telling myself something about what I'm doing(or not doing).
People rarely procrastinate for no reason. Usually it's because you don't want to do something, there's a fear connected to doing the thing, or it gives you a response you want.
Take this website. Planned on having it done in July buuuttt, I kept telling myself I’d do it later.
Truth is, every time my business starts growing too fast I find ways to stop showing up until things slow back down. I procrastinate out of fear.
I want my business to grow. I want it to make a huge difference in the world (nothing too big, just the equivalent of Oprah influence). But every time it starts growing like that, the judgy bitch in my head says WAIT!!! What if you let someone down? What if this is too much? What if it all falls apart?
I'd wait until the last minute to write papers in school. Social media posts. Even my blog posts. It's not out of laziness or because I don't want to write them, I do it so I don't overthink.
If I write them too early, I will go back & fix it or change it I can't tell you how many times. By the time I'm done with all my fixing it's lost that spark. My fixing is really filtering. What will people think? How can I make this less likely to be judged?
Filtering kills the original spirit of the message.
Then there are things I procrastinate because I DON'T WANT TO DO THEM.
Laundry & dusting are top of that list. When I was a manger, I'd put off seeing an employee when I knew I had to fire them. I'll find a million other things to do instead when I don't want to do something (I've organized my sock drawer & alphabetized my movies more than once to avoid doing something).
If you're procrastinating, look at why. What's it telling you? Sometimes knowing that answer can change everything.
Intuitive clairaudient healer with a gift for getting to the point & making things seem doable.