It's July, so if your inbox looks anything like mine, it's filled with all kinds of messages telling you the year's half over!!!! You only have 6 months left to hit your goals!!!
I call Bullshit!
I've never been one to play by someone else's rules & I definitely don't believe there's only 1 way. That's true for timelines & goals!! Who says your goal has to fit into a year or a month? Who says the new year is a starting line?
To me that all seems a little ridiculous. (That's not saying I didn't spend years trying to fit all my stuff into predefined time slots) If you knew that you'd surpass your goal 1 month later than the date you set. Would you feel like you failed? Would you feel behind? I doubt it.
Stop letting July trick you into feeling anxious or behind.
What are you feeling you should do? Are you called to set a goal? To let go of something? To start something new or reinvent what you've been working on.
You don't need to wait for a Monday, a new moon, the next quarter or any other predetermined start day. Start whenever you feel the need to make change.
Now that we've covered the start, lets talk about the deadline.
You can set a goal without a deadline.
Counterintuitive, I know, but so worth it.
Take your goal and break it down into chapters, milestones (name it whatever you want)
This does 3 things.
-Gives you a specific area to focus on.
-Takes the pressure off
-Gives you freedom to change direction.
Treat goal setting like manifesting.
How are you feeling about your current goals?
Are you stressed? Are you scared? Scared is fine, different can feel scary. Leaving your comfort zone can be scary. If your goal feels unattainable, I have to ask if you're looking for a safe explanation of why you can't reach it.
Your feelings can show you where you're holding back or maybe where you need to set incremental goals. If your goal feels so big that you don't have any clue how to reach it, try reigning it in. Maybe pay off 1 bill instead of ALL your debt. Sign 1 client. Meet with people who are successful doing what you want. Forgive 1 person or heal 1 moment.
How will you feel when you reach that goal?
This is a great way to tell if your goal is in alignment with you. Does what you're doing give you any of those feelings? Are your actions working against those feelings? Recognize the difference between a temporary feeling & a feeling feeling.
I've set goals where I need to learn a new skill, so I feel overwhelmed, but that's temporary. I'm not gonna feel that after I know what I'm doing. I used to have a goal to do 3 periscopes a week. I hated doing them, I prefer youtube or FB lives. But I kept forcing myself to do them. That hate wasn't going away, so I switched my goal.
What does reaching the goal look like?
Are you resisting everything you think you should be doing? Are your steps to reaching the goal matching how it looks after hitting it? I can't tell you how many times I set a goal that was supposed to give me more time or make things easier, but that wasn't how I was setting myself up. More steps, more work, a bigger chunk of time.
Sometimes you have to work backwards. Take how you want it to be at the end & figure out how you get there. If you see yourself doing this thing 10 hours a week, how is it split up? Where are you getting help? What are the priorities? What is the extra?
Take a look at your goals. Revamp them. Tweak them. Throw them out & start over. Keep them just like they are. This is your reality that you're creating. No one makes the rules except you.
Have you ever thought about all the things we're told not to talk about?
Don't talk about money. It's not polite.
Don't talk too highly of yourself. You'll look conceited.
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything.
Don't talk about your problems. No one wants to hear that.
Don't tell anyone your wish or it won't come true.
I break all those rules.
Money isn't some shameful or secret topic for me. I talk about what I make, what I charge, what I spend, how much something cost. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. I don't feel guilty. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. I think it's bullshit that employers don't want their staff discussing what they make. In my experience it's usually because they don't want people asking for more money.
You don't want to sound conceited. I was helping my sister with her quarterly review & she got mad that I told her to talk about how amazing she is at her job. She was like "You can't say that." Why is it bad to know you're good at stuff and say that? It goes back to school. Get good grades, but don't be too smart. Don't say you know all the answers. They never understood why I wouldn't get nervous before interviews.
My answer was always the same "I'm damn good at what I do. If they don't hire me, it's their loss."
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Sometimes the bad needs to be addressed. I'm not saying you should try to hurt someone's feelings or say things to be cruel, but if something is fucked up...You HAVE to say something or it will never change. I love America's Got Talent, but sometimes in the beginning there's a contestant that is truly terrible. My first thought is why didn't their friends or family say something? You're never going to be good at everything. Some things will never be more than a hobby or passion. Ignoring that fact sets you up for failure.
Are you telling me that it's better to remain silent than to point out a downfall, mistake, or shortcoming?
It's bad manners to talk about your problems. It's a family matter. People don't want to hear that. You should be pleasant. This thinking came from a time where a lot of things were kept hidden. Domestic abuse. Unwed pregnancies that were shipped off to have babies in secret. Being gay. So many things were seen as unacceptable. There was shame attached. I'm pretty sure that's where "grin & bear it" came from.
Fuck that! It's bad for you to keep it all in. Talk about it. That's how get support & find solutions.
What bullshit rules have you been following that you're ready to toss?
I'm an HGTV junkie. Fixer Upper, Windy City Rehab, and Hidden Potential are some of my favorites.
I'm pretty sure it's ruined me for ever buying a house. Every house I see, the same thing happens. I walk in and immediately start renno-ing it in my head. If we knock down this wall. We can tear up this floor. We'll just change the kitchen layout & add a bathroom here. It doesn't even phase me that I have no clue how to do those things. I don't have a construction crew on stand-by (Shocking I know :D)
While I don't know how to redo an entire (or even a part of)house. HGTV does show you exactly how to transform your life from the eyesore that doesn't work for your needs into the amazing masterpiece that fits your needs and feels like your favorite pair of jeans.
Just like the home renovation shows, you start with what’s there. You've spent years creating the life you have. There's no reason to scrap all of it & start over from scratch.
Your life is the home at the beginning of the show. Maybe the bones are good, maybe you need new foundation. Maybe it's got some really cool features that have been covered by paint, drywall or vinyl flooring.
What are the things you love to do that you're good at? Identify the great relationships. The things you're already doing that make you happy. What do you do that makes you feel like you? What parts of you have you been ignoring or hiding?
They don’t tear the whole thing down. They get rid of what doesn’t work and build on what does. They design based on the family's wants and needs. They design to match the homeowners style. Even similar houses become dramatically different because of the colors, materials & layout that is chosen. The final product is something that looks totally new & they love.
What is it you really want? How do you want to spend your time? Where do you want to live? What are your deal breakers? What do you want to eliminate? What do you want more of?
There is one part of designing your dream life that is much harder to do in remodeling. When you're designing your dream life you can try things out. If you don't like them, get rid of it & try something else.
I have always been a procrastinator. But, I don't procrastinate for everything.
I wrote every school paper the morning it was due. Any party or get together I've ever thrown was fully planned minimum a week before the date. Cleaning the house for company is a scramble to finish before anyone arrives. Packing for trips, always last minute. My nephew's birthday is this month. I got party details yesterday. Within 30 minutes, I already knew how I'm doing the cake & what food we're serving, & the theme (fishes).
Maybe you're thinking "Everybody procrastinates. How does this help me?"
Procrastination tells you a lot of things. It can show you what you're aligned with. It gives you an emotion you're depending on. It will tell you what to delegate. It will highlight your strengths. You just have to dig a little.
Make a list of the things you procrastinate.
For each item list 2-3 reasons you put it off.
Is it because you hate doing it? (That's laundry for me)
Is it because it's so easy for you, you figure you'll have plenty of time? Next thing you know the deadline is HERE!
Maybe you're hoping someone will do it for you?
Or it's the feeling you get from knocking it out last minute? (Look how amazing I am! An adrenaline rush. You get to be the victim aka no one helps me)
Now use what you've learned.
I'm not going to tell you to set a false deadline, because that shit doesn't work! I've tried that advice. You know it's not real, so it's no big deal when it passes.
The stuff you procrastinate because you hate doing it, you're not good at it, or it's not a strength. Delegate that shit. There is nothing wrong with getting help.
The stuff you put off because it's easy or one of your strengths. Move it up in your plan. Multi-task while doing it. Do it while waiting for another component.
Maybe procrastinating triggers a feeling you want. Praise for how you managed to get it done in time with so many other things on your plate. A sense of accomplishment. Pride. A memory. An adrenaline rush.
If procrastinating doesn't bother you, KEEP DOING IT!
I always wrote my papers last minute because when I did it that way, the words would just come to me. It was easier. I like that I can't overthink. I still do this. I write my emails right before I send them. I wrote my whole website in 1 day.
Let your procrastination work for you.
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Have you ever felt like your spending was out of control?
That's exactly how I felt in January. About 14 months ago my life turned into a whirlwind of a shit show. I had a ton of debt, my 10 year relationship ended out of the blue (seriously, I never saw it coming), in a month I had sold all of my stuff, broke my lease & moved home. I was BROKE.
I've never been that broke in my life & it was scary as shit.
Luckily, my mom let me stay with her rent free, I got a job my second week back & I started signing clients again. After a couple months, my bank accounts were once again in the positive. I was able to start paying down my debt & I paid off my car. I even had extra money to go out.
It felt good to have money again. It felt even better that everything I wanted wasn't an automatic NO. So I started saying YES.
At first it was yes to things I needed. Clothes for winter. A hair cut. Car upkeep. Then it was things I had been putting off. New bras, good makeup, glasses, jeans. Finally it was random things. New kitchen gadgets, luggage, jewelry.
It got to the point where I was ordering so many things, I would get packages & have no idea what was in them. Even worse, I'd use it once then stick it in a pile & move onto the next thing.
I decided I needed to take a break from spending.
The first week was hard. Of course, as soon as I decided I wasn't buying, it seemed like everything went on sale ( I love a good sale). But, I didn't buy anything.
It got easier pretty fast.
Instead of buying new things, I started using the things I already had. I read books that had been sitting on my Kindle for months. Using the masks & lotions that I'd forgotten I owned. I finished some of the courses I had bought, but never had the time to do. I meditated more.
I had more time. I never realized how much time I spent scrolling through websites searching for things to buy.
What I learned
I buy things...
To reward myself.
When I feel like crap.
Late at night when I'm bored
When I feel stuck.
Sometimes, just because it seems interesting.
Retail therapy at it's finest.
I was also reminded that when I'm not in such a hurry to buy things, I kick ass at manifesting them.
This month I wanted a pedicure & a couple days later my mom asked me to do a mani/pedi day her treat. I won a free oracle card reading from one of my favorite people. One of the courses I own released new free bonuses that helped me solve an issue I had been stuck on. I've had drinks & dinners bought for me. And I wasn't even trying.
Is there something you do that you're pretty sure is holding you back? Take a break from it & let me know how it goes.
I wasn't one of those fortunate people who knew exactly what she wanted.
The only think I KNEW was I couldn't keep living my life the way I was. I wasn't happy. I didn't know how to fix it. I felt stuck.
I needed a change, but a change to what?? That was a big question.
Maybe you know exactly what you're working towards. If that's the case I'm thrilled for you! But if you're like me & aren't sure yet... I want you to know, THAT'S OK. You're not stuck.
I promise you have a powerful place to start from. You have an idea of how you want to feel. You probably KNOW a lot of details. Start there. The rest will come to you.
You know the phrase “dress for the job you want”? It’s the same with creating the life you want.
Be the version of you that already has those things.
Maybe you want calmer mornings. You want a boss you like. You want to be your own boss. You want to feel financially secure. You want to feel valued, loved, sexy, adventurous or centered. You want a couple close friends that you know you can count on.
I bet you have parts of your life pictured. I'm so sure, I would never go to Target again if I'm wrong (Target is my happy place)
Start with the things you know you want & answer the following questions...
What does she do? Take chances, yoga, wash off her makeup EVERY night, eats better food, does creative work, work as part of a team or alone, Get her hair done at a salon, have a maid, go to dinner by herself, public speaking...
How does she think? Do setbacks discourage her, does she see opportunities, what stories does she tell herself.
How does she feel? Is she relaxed, confident, successful, centered, welcoming
How can you step into that version of you now? Say YES more, let people help you, try new things, practice being confident. What does she do that you can do now? What new stories can you begin telling yourself? What can you do that gives you those feelings?
The more you step into the version of You that already has those things, the easier it is to get them. You know what decisions are aligned with what you want. You put yourself in situations that allow opportunities to show up. You already believe you are worthy.
Remember when you thought that by 30 you'd have your shit together?
I had always pictured that by the time I turned 30...
I'd be married...
Maybe have 1 kid...
Have a big important job with a corner office that paid really well & had an expense account...
Own a 3 bedroom house right outside the city that looked like a Pottery Barn catalog...
Regularly take amazing trips (a few weeks in Italy, long ski weekends in Colorado, stuff like that).
My life at 30 was pretty much the opposite.
I was twice divorced & single...
Bartending at a place that made me miserable to make enough to get by...
Renting a 2 bedroom apartment the landlord kept promising to update every time they raised the rent...
The only trips I was taking was going home for Christmas once a year, if that.
I was no where close to what I had pictured and nothing I was doing to change things was working.
I was STUCK.
Do you know that feeling?
You know what you set out to get, but you can't figure out how to get there.
The life I pictured for myself had very little to do with me. It was based on what you should want. The things you should have.
That's why the travel (something the real me wanted) was a lot more detailed than the rest of my plan.
I wanted to be married, because I liked the idea of having someone, but I put no thought into what I wanted that relationship to look like or the kind of person I wanted to be with.
Now I know my deal breakers. I know what's important to me. I don't settle for relationships where I have to change everything about me.
I wanted an important job that paid well, but I couldn't even tell you what field that job would be in.
Now I help women create success & create their version of success by being them & I'm paid well because I rock at what I do.
I thought I'd own a 3 bedroom house outside the city. Didn't have a specific city or style of house. I still want the house. I can see everything about it, but the where is yet to be determined. West coast maybe. I want to be near trees & water, but close enough to go do fun things in the city. It will have an office. A big kitchen. Lots of windows. An open floor plan. And when I walk in I'll feel "ahhhh. This is HOME".
Look at the things you want. How detailed are they? Can you feel what it'll be like to have them?
If you can't see it or feel it. If the thought of it doesn't invoke some massive emotion. You have to ask yourself if this is something you want or just something you think you should want.
I used to SUCK at manifesting.
Then obsess about would it show up? When? What if it didn't?
Then it wouldn't.
Manifesting is exactly like writing to Santa
It's easy to get caught up in your mind when you're manifesting. So, every year I send a letter to Santa through Macy's Believe program. They donate $1 to Make a wish for every letter, so it's a win win. I get to write to Santa & help someone else's wish come true.
Santa letters are important. It was the first time you knew you could ask for anything. No guilt. No limits. It's where I learned to trust & let go.
A letter to Santa has all the keys of manifesting.
You write your letter & TRUST that you'll get what you want.
Inspired action is like being good all year, it boosts your chances of getting what you want.
Once you mail the letter, you let go & believe it's on its way.
You trust it'll show up.
That's the key to manifesting...TRUST.
Treat manifesting like a letter to Santa. Know it's on it's way.
The Christmas season is here. So talk of gratitude is EVERYWHERE!!!
There are gratitude challenges, the Christmas movies filled with love & miracles have started, FB is filled with #blessed, there's couples & love & family galore.
YOU GET IT...
You know it helps you to be grateful. It feels good to be grateful. But sometimes it's really fucking hard to be grateful(especially when it feels like nothing is going your way).
Last year at this time, that's exactly how I felt.
I was heartbroken. My relationship of 10 years had ended (I did not see that coming).
I was selling almost everything I owned so I could move home to live with my mom while I figured out my next step (I really liked my stuff. I worked hard for those things).
My laptop had just been stolen(I had to run my business from my phone).
There were other things too, but this all happened in ONE MONTH.
I felt like Wyle E Coyote the moment he realizes he's gone way off the cliff & falls.
I was beyond depressed. I was angry. I felt like a failure. I stopped taking new clients. My bank account was negative.
The thought of being grateful for this shitshow that was my life pissed me off.
So I get it. Sometimes you are so in the middle of it, that you can't see an out. It can be hard to see the good in what feels like an endless stream of bad. Sometimes you're scared to look for something good because you feel like that will get taken as well.
When it rains it pours.
People love that phrase. Especially around shit situations. But it works the other way too.
Start by finding something good. Even a little bit good. Even if it feels impossible, it's in there somewhere. Open yourself to the possibility.
Yes, I was alone & the person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with was gone & I had no idea what my future looked like anymore.
Yes, I was selling & giving away all the things I had worked really hard for so I could move home (a place I hadn't lived in 20 years) with basically nothing. Was not where I saw myself the year before. (Hell, I didn't see it 2 months before).
Yes I felt like I had lost everything good in my life, so what was there to be grateful for?
I still had my truck. Which was big, I could still go places. I wasn't stuck waiting for someone to take me anywhere.
I didn't have any household bills. I could pay off some debt & rebuild my bank accounts.
I didn't have anyone to think about but me. For the first time since I was 17, I didn't have a partner or pet that I had to consider. And I didn't really have any stuff. All I kept was my office, bedroom & kitchen stuff(well, most of it). I could move anywhere. I could do anything. I could get a job in Europe & travel. I could housesit my way across the country.
I could do whatever the fuck I WANTED TO DO, because I no longer had the excuses of...
Who would watch my fur baby? What would I do with all my stuff? Would my partner feel left out or lonely?
Start small. Find 1 thing to feel grateful about. And FEEL the gratitude. It doesn't matter if it's you had a good hair day, found a $1 in your jeans, got to take a shower uninterrupted, have heat in your house, were able to put gas in your car...
Just find that thing.
MAYBE TOMORROW YOU'LL HAVE 2 THINGS.
If you're going through a tough time, leave a comment or send me an email and tell me about it or book a free call with me. You're never alone (even though it can feel that way).
Call me crazy (You won't be the first), but there's a "right" way to cut a sandwich.
I will NOT eat a sandwich that's cut in half. It has to be diagonal. HAS TO. Diagonally cut sandwiches taste better (This rule applies to toast as well. Any bread really).
For years while I lived in NC, people would make fun of me for this. They said I was crazy. Too Picky. High maintenance. I could go on....
The other day I was talking to someone about this because I ordered a sandwich & they cut it wrong and I was SOOO sad. I picked the insides out, but I couldn't eat the sandwich (don't judge).
So, I'm talking to this girl. Before I start telling her my story, I'm apologizing & saying how stupid the the thing I'm about to tell her is.
She didn't think it was stupid at all. She said, "You're absolutely right! Sandwiches taste better when they're cut diagonally." Can I tell you, that made my whole day.
But wait it gets better....
So I put on Facebook how nice it is to have someone who "get's it" and... I start getting comments from all kinds of people that also agree with me. (Cue clouds parting, light filling the room & sing-songy AHHH-ah-AAAhhh).
There's been more than a few times where I felt alone, like I didn't fit in, disconnected, like nobody got me, or I was crazy to think the way I think(way more than a few).
But, I'm not alone (neither are you). There are people who get my crazy ideas, my clients love them. There's always someone who has gone through whatever you're going through. Felt the way you feel.
There's always someone who "gets it!"
I promise you they're out there. Sometimes you just need to look somewhere different.
Share your thing that makes you stand out or feel alone in the comments (or you can send me an email) & I bet you're not the only one.
Intuitive clairaudient healer with a gift for getting to the point & making things seem doable.